It’s OK to be “not OK.”

This is definitely a trendy phrase, but I want to reiterate its importance.

Recently, I was in the parking lot at the grocery store. I ran into a lady from church. I am terrible with names, and am embarrassed that I didn’t remember hers, but I know her friendly face.

“How’s it going?” she asked me.

At her innocent question, I promptly burst into tears. These weren’t small, dainty tears, but rather crocodile tears. In Oprah-speak, I was ugly crying. In the parking lot. To a woman whose name I couldn’t remember.

When we are faced with the simple “How’s it going” or “How are you,” the easy answer is “fine.”

But what about those days when we are decidedly NOT fine? What then?

I have been in environments where any answer other than “I’m fine” with a plastic smile was unacceptable. But the reality is that life is messy. Life is hard. I don’t advocate walking around like a thundercloud, but I do encourage you to get comfortable saying “I’m struggling” or “I need help” or “I’m not OK.”

On the flip side, when someone says those words to you, please receive them with grace.

Often, the very best thing you can do is listen and offer a supportive hug. When we are struggling, simply being acknowledged — seen — and told “you matter” goes a long way.

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. This particular month is very close to my heart. When I was at the Catholic diocese, I wrote several stories about the topic of suicide. I dove deep into the depths of the aftermath for families who had loved ones die by suicide and for those who considered, but did not complete, suicide. And yes, the correct phrase is “died by suicide.”

It can be tempting to simply let others think that “I’m fine,” but life isn’t always fine. We all struggle, and sometimes, we need a counselor or trusted clergy member to guide us through difficult situations.

I remember years ago, I was talking with a friend about her decision to make a career change.

Very casually and openly in our conversation, she said, “I was talking about it with my counselor, and she said ‘I think this sounds like a productive path for you.’” In that moment, I remember being shocked. Someone openly talked about having a counselor? Someone who I perceived to “have it all together” had a regular counselor? That moment opened my eyes significantly.

When, many years later, I found myself struggling with life, it became clear I needed to visit with a professional who could offer me a broader perspective than I could see in that moment. I needed guidance, counsel and a safe place to process my feelings and emotions in a healthy way. It was one of the best decisions of my life.

Recently, one of my regular lunch groups was talking about life coaching versus counseling.

Someone genuinely asked, “Don’t counselors just ask ‘how does that make you feel?’” Without thinking, I said “My counselor never asked me that question. She challenged me to see new perspectives and helped provide tools to cope with adversity in a healthy manner.”

After that lunch, the little voice inside of me said, “Did you really say that out loud to your friends who you’ve known for 10 years? Won’t they judge you now?”

I pulled the phrase “Silenco Bruno!” from the Pixar movie “Luca” and I told that voice to shut up.

I’m not sure if it took my friend courage to speak openly about her counseling, but her words helped normalize counseling for me.

I share this experience and perspective with the hope that in doing so, it will help open others’ eyes to the importance of professional counseling.

In small communities, especially rural communities, seeking mental health assistance can be stigmatized. But we need to bust up that stigma. We need to embrace friends, family members and neighbors when they struggle. We need to accept that sometimes life is hard. Sometimes someone just needs a hug. Maybe that hug isn’t the moment to suggest a counselor, but another, less emotional moment could provide that opportunity.

Throughout the month of September, readers will see stories and conversations about mental health in the pages of the I-R. This is not meant to make anyone uncomfortable in any way. It is simply opening an avenue for conversation.

It could be easy to think “this doesn’t apply to me,” but please keep an open mind. Discussions about counseling, depression or suicide might not apply to you in this moment, but it is likely that at some point, the topic will cross your path. My goal is to open minds, hearts and doors so that when the conversation arises, we can all be open and embrace those who aren’t feeling OK.

Karen Bonar is the editor/ publisher of the I-R and can be reached at kbonar@indyrepnews. com.